Hopefully This Works

Idk.

Now that I dont have my job at the retreat anymore my entire summer is ruined. I don’t have my best friend anymore whom I’m used to spending more than half my time hanging out with and talking to. After the summer what friends I do have are leaving for college. Right now I have no idea what to even do with myself. After getting fired and my structured plan torn to pieces I feel like a freakin lost puppy. I haven’t had this much anxiety in a while and I simply don’t even know where to go from here. Sure I could work 24/7, have a boyfriend and my few friends and start school after the summer. But I don’t think that’s enough. I didn’t want to go to a university because I thought that this was what I wanted. I thought I wanted to stay in panama city because I was completely happy with everyone and everything here. I had a plan. And now my plan and people are gone and I’m left wondering what the hell it is I’m going to do now. Right now moving the hell away from here and starting over on my own at a new school where I can meet new people and start a new life and start on my path towards a career I want sounds absolutely amazing. But there are a few things keeping me here. But in 2 years when I finish at gulf coast. I don’t think those things are going to be enough to keep me in panama city. Nobody understands what I’m going through and when summer is over there’s no telling of my dad will have found a new job or not. Being short a car is gonna suck ass and I don’t know how my family is going to make it through and the fact that my family isn’t stressing about it makes it 100% worse and more stressful for me. I need direction in my life. A serious goal that I can focus on and be happy with. I hate my job so I can’t just work 24/7 like I wanted to at the retreat because I will just be miserable… Religion has come to my thoughts a few times but I’m not sure that’s enough…. For the past week I have tried so hard to keep myself as busy as possible because I have been tryin to avoid thinking about all this. But now that it’s 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep I have no choice but to think about it and I need help.